apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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