girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
