Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
