ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
