Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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