When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
