I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize