shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
