I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize