absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
