is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
