pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
