why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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