i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Randomize
