Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize