White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
