One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
