There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize