Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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