So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
