God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
