Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
