Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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