i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
