Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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