Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I could fuck to npr.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
