I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
