you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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