my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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