Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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