I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The best revenge is premature balding
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
