You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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