the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
