Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
