fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
