i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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