Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
