wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
