Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
