i was born a porn star she said
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
