not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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