Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
