thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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