mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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