I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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