I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
