After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pants are for mortals
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
