look no pants
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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