I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
