Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
