Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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