i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Randomize
