Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
