God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
