Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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