when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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