mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
