If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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