You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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