Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
