I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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