I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
