You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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