Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
where are my eyebrows?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
