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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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