physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
