why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
false alarm. still invincible.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
