Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Even my vagina gasped.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
