He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
