Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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