Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
