The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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