I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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