I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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