if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
40s are totally the cure
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize