you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
