I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
