You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
