she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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